Recapturing my sanity

Today is the day i will stop checking his email. I have to recaputer the health of my mind. I can't keep letting this control me. I already found what i need to find. They say if you look you shall find. I have no idea why he keep getting caught doing the samething over. Yes it question my trust about him, wheather he truely love me. I feel he does but have regret marrying me. I don't know where his mind is at this moment and vice verse. I have alot of question that need to be answer. Yes we need to explore these question. It's taking everything in my body not to loose trust in him. Really i don't trust him. If i get to the poing of not loving him and just go thru the motion then our marriage is destiny for failure. Can i handle it no will i get over it yes. The hardest thing is to love someone so deep , you loose yourself and it take things like this to come back to life. I do love him and was willing to give him everything he wanted. Matter of fact i did. He was so spoil. It's like i lost my soul.How can you not think about your family when doing things. How can you not see what you have at home. You are willing to risk it all just to recapture what you had in high school. You two are not together for a fucking reason. But like they say you don't miss what you have untill it's gone. Your ass should've been planting and sowing your own seeds at home rather than in your past. Lifes a BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEARCHING WITH N