feeling to strong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just when you think you gotten over something the feeling come back / hit you in the face. Granted i'm thankful for been able to spend time with my husband and i do enjoy the closeness we've s hared since he has been home. Even thou things has happen in our relationship i feel that we are disconnected & i hate feeling like this. But it all start from a past event concerning another female. This is causing me to question our relationship. I feel very angry, hurt & disappointed & get very piss off at him and he don't even know it.We've discuss this but not to my satification. I felt he didn't give me an honset answer. Short version of what happen.......... He was conversatating with a female on the net they would talk on the net and i'm assuming on the phone because # were exchange.I found out express my feeling. He said it was innocent but will not talk to her again. But later found out again that they were still talking to each other. They just switch email account. I feel that what is it that you can't talk to me about that you need to talk to another female about. He went off to fight the war in Iraq and they began to talk again this time exchanging address among eachother. I got really piss . I 'm at home raising our kids / been a supportive / faithfully wife. You over there exchanging email holding conversation getting your talk on at a time you're at war. Just don't understand. She sending you care packages / letter. Now if he happen to get killed at war guess who get all of his belonging. Now i need to be greiving and be in pain but instead i might get the letter that she have been sending you and i'm angry but still in pain thinking our marriage were a lie. Do i think they are still talking yes he claim they are not but i feel they are. I try not to harp on this and i need to tell him this and let him know where i stand. We had a talk. He heard and saw how hurt i were. He still instist it was innocent but like i told him i felt that they had a strong connection but he said it wasn't. I have agreed to let this go put in the lord hand and move on. I have a hard time letting things go or forgivingand i'm working on that. I love my husband dearly so strong that it hurts. But in the mean time, i feel that i need to take back that control and get back in tune with my self. This conversation took place on the 28 of Sept 04. I surrender and pray that my lord will help me get back on track and give me the strenght to forgive and forget. But i need to focus on myself. It felt good to release this and i will continue to surrender so i can be move on and continue to work on myself. I realise and i think my husband realise that he fuck up and know that he had lost a part of me that he need the most which is my trust and the deep connection we've shared. I surrender my all to him and he didn't respect what he had in his hand instead took advantage of it. But know woman should give that much power to anyone. SO i'm talking my power back and refocusing it on other area. I still love my husband and will continue to work on myself so i can improve me and my realationship. i'M TRYING TO REACH ANOTHER LEVEL WITH IN MY SELF AND WILL CONTINUE TO ...............
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